January 21, 2014

I have been pouring over the Bible, a LOT, for the last several days.  I'm talking more than just a devotion that I read & think about for a few minutes & then think about a little later in the day if I remember.  There has been something that has been bothering me.  I always considered myself to have a lot of faith. I've seen God work in my life many times and believe that he is greater than anything else.  But for some reason, this tumor has really been bothering me lately.  The size and look of it & how it feels, so the physical part of it, and I realize that I am allowing my flesh, my 5 senses to rule my thoughts.  That's not what I am supposed to do. I have learned different over the many years of following Christ.  There have been times that I have had to really trust God and I did.  Most times, I have had some hesitation. As you may have experienced yourself at times. Unbelief or hesitation, ya know what I'm talking about right?  I could chalk it up to being human but really, that's not a good enough excuse.  Yes I am human but I want my eyes to be so focused on Jesus that I could walk on water like Peter (Matthew 14:22-33), or the Woman I talked about before that had the blood issue (Matthew 9:20-22, Mark 5:25, Luke 8:43-48), and most recently I was reminded of the Centurion officer who believed in Jesus' power to heal that he told Jesus, he need only speak the words & his servant would be healed (Matthew 8:5-13).  But what happened when Peter took his eyes off of Jesus?  The natural thing, he started to sink.  I am seeking out God's guidance in my life and how to receive my miracle.  I am determined to learn and I have discovered that I have a bit of unbelief in my heart that seems to be canceling out the faith that I have that God has a complete healing for me.  You might say, well that's understandable or it's only natural but that's the thing. I am trying to receive something that is not of the natural order, it is supernatural, and so I can't allow those doubts, or unbelief that come with the flesh or with the natural part of being a human to affect me.  I have been seeking how to get rid of this fleshly human nature and I felt led by the holy spirit to fast & pray & read God's word on Sunday.  How does one fast & pray, well, I think there are several different ways to do it. I just allowed the Spirit to lead me.  I know that the Bible says not to be showy when you fast & pray & that's not the reason I'm sharing this.  I'm sharing to show an example of how God used the Holy Spirit to nudge me to do this and what happened.  So on Sunday, I woke up & didn't eat breakfast. Since Morgan was sick, I was bummed to miss church but thankful that Morgan & I had attended a prayer & praise the night before with our church. I began praying for God to reveal to me where my unbelief came from (identify the problem), reading my Bible, sang & had planned to turn a sermon on but didn't end up doing that until Monday.  Lunch still had to be gotten for Sadie. Morgan couldn't keep anything down & Adam took the older 2 to church, out to lunch, & to pick up a few groceries.  I was extremely thankful that dinner was brought to us.  By about 6pm I finally felt like the hangup was that I have fear. Fear that I won't receive my miracle.  So I began praying for God to remove that fear and the verse "Perfect love casts out all fear" came to me.

1 John 4:18-19 (NRSV)

18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. 19 We love because he first loved us.

 Where does perfect love come from?  Jesus, of course so that's why reading the Word of God has been so important to me.  I have to immerse myself in God's word so that I know, that I know, that I know, deep within my heart, without a doubt that God has healed me.  And that I believe will allow me to receive my miracle & then it will be manifested (seen with the natural senses).

In case you're wondering, Morgan was completely well by about 7pm Sunday evening. I kept her home yesterday because of school rules so she & Sadie had kind of a fun play day.  I am feeling quite well. I went for 3 days without taking any pain meds. Not even Tylenol or Advil until last night.  I am determined to be positive and say only positive things & not complain about anything because I know that words are powerful, there is life & death within words.
Proverbs 18:21 (NAS)
Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.

So I will speak positive.  If you pray, I could use prayer for God to help change my  heart, to help me overcome the fear, the doubt, that stands in the way of my healing being received.  

I was talking with someone today and while talking with her, I remembered the miracle that I received when I was pregnant with Braly.  I had been having cramping, & after miscarrying our first child, then having Gabby, I was scared.  I had gone to the doctor & they had hormone levels drawn so they could see my numbers. A few days later they were drawn again.  I remember on a Friday, the doctor called to ask me whether I had any bleeding. (Sorry if this is TMI)  I said no & that the cramping had lessened.  She then told me that she was sorry to say that my numbers had dropped significantly and that I would probably miscarry the baby over the weekend.  WHAT???  How could this be?  I sobbed & sobbed & then remembered the peace I had felt God give to me a few weeks prior to that when I had been praying for us to have another baby.  I felt like He had said, everything would be okay, he'd bless us with a baby.  And then this was happening.  I pulled myself together, sat up, put my hands on my belly, & I prayed something like this, "Baby, you will grow strong and healthy in Jesus' name, because by his stripes you were healed. And God told me that we'd have a baby, I don't care what the numbers say, they are wrong, because God is not wrong!"  I ended up going in on Monday for more blood to be drawn and the numbers came back much higher.  God healed our baby, and it didn't matter what the doctors said.  I have proof, because he's 9 1/2 years old now and very healthy.  God brought this memory back to me to remind me that I had complete belief in him back then & He can get me there again so that no matter what the doctors say, I will be completely cured from cancer and that my bones that had been affected will also be healed.  I look forward to the day that I get to share the good news of the manifestation of the healing of my body.  God is so, so good.

Jeannette :)

P.S.  I am going to try to update every other day or every 2 days.  I know many of you keep asking how I'm doing & this journey has sure been filled with a LOT of stuff going on so far. I think that this may help you stay connected and me keep accountability to staying in God's word as well as being positive in thinking, words, & actions. :)  Until next time!