S*** my 4 Letter Word, not what you think!

Yesterday morning I was working on some things for Braly's 10th birthday party.  We don't invite our kids' friends over every year to celebrate with us but there are certain years that I think should be celebrated with a bigger party & turning double digits is one of them.

So I was in the basement sewing a project for the party and started singing Agnus Dei by Michael W. Smith.

Alleluia
Alleluia
For the Lord God Almighty reigns

Alleluia
Alleluia
For the Lord God Almighty reigns

Alleluia
Holy
Holy are You Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb

You are holy
Holy are you Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb

Amen

The problem was, as I was singing, my voice started to crack because I was choking back some tears.  I kept singing because I wanted to show God my praise despite this stupid disease.  I blurted out a prayer & said something like "Lord, I trust you, and I trust your timing.  It is difficult to wait sometimes but I know that you know what's best for me & my family & I am trusting you to please give us some good news next week."  (I saw the Oncologist on Tuesday & he said that the estrogen number was less than 10 which is where we wanted it to be & where he expected it to be months ago by using the shots.  He said that if the tumor marker came down again & since the size of the tumor decreased that he would be referring me to the breast specialist for a consultation to find out about surgery)

Just as I finished praying & asking God for some good news next week, the phone rang and the caller ID showed GB Oncology.  I pressed the talk button and immediately heard my doctor's voice.  For a split second I was a little nervous at what he was about to tell me because I don't recall him calling me with good news, usually he delivers any bad news himself & lets the nurses call for the good news.  I reminded myself of the things God has showed & told me & quickly said in my head "I trust you God!"  My doctor continued to tell me that last month the tumor marker number was 148 and this month it is down to 98.  I said, "that's great!"  and I'm not sure if I said it aloud but I at least thought PRAISE GOD!!!!

I am now scheduled to the see the breast surgeon on July 31st in Green Bay.  This is a huge thing for me to share with all of you but I am praying, asking, believing, & expecting that when the doctor examines me, that there won't be anything to even remove.  That's right, I'm asking LARGLY.  I believe that I will be completely healed of cancer one day, I'm not sure if it will be completely supernatural or if it will be aided with more medical procedures but the other day when I was praying, I told God that I know he told me that he removed the root of the problem & that he'd take care of the rest but I wasn't sure what that meant exactly and I didn't know his timing.

I dreamed last week (and I hadn't been dreaming a lot lately), of piles & piles (I'm talking about an obnoxious amount) of beautiful, glistening, crystal white snow.  You know the kind where the light hits it & it just shimmers as the light reflects off of it.  It can be so breathtaking.  When I woke up that morning, I thought, whoa, what was with ALL that SNOW?  I'm soooooo not ready for that yet (After the winter we had, I think some people started to say it was a swear to say snow. Lol.  Well, I forgot that I had dreamed of that until I was praying and I felt that God told me that he'd cleanse me as white as snow. That's when I remembered my dream.

Psalm 51:7  NIV  Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

The neat thing about this verse is that after this dream a day had passed, after my prayer time & this revelation another day had passed and then my reading plan had me read Psalm 51. That's what you call a "God thing." And I LOVE it when God shares with me like that!  So I am holding onto these different things that the Holy Spirit has revealed to me in my quiet time and I am trusting God.  Some days it is harder because I feel stiff or have more low back & hip pain.  But God's name will be glorified & I remind myself that God has given me strength, healing, he's made me whole, & he keeps right on taking care of me so I just need to hang in there.

Being Real...Good news...and 15th of the MONTH

Last night Adam came home late since he was on road training the seasonal help. He sounded terrible. Very hoarse, congested, and had a slight fever.  He showered, ate, took some meds, I prayed for him & then he went to sleep.  It wasn't much longer after he went to bed that the kids were in bed, then Sadie fell asleep, and then I climbed in bed since I couldn't keep my eyes open.  I thought, great, I will get lots of sleep. No alarm clock to go off in the am since the kids didn't have school for deer day.  My night consisted of waking up several times. Sometimes every hour with hot flashes. As I lay in bed praying for Adam, for my friend who had surgery, for the lady preparing for her bone marrow transplant & for others that asked for prayer, I figured there was no point being upset that I was awake, perhaps lots of people needed prayer & I was to intercede for them.  When I woke up for some reason, I thought that the breast tumor had grown in size and my mind started to get anxious & fearful.  I gathered my clothes for a shower but when I got into the bathroom I felt sort of sick. Shaky & weak.  I started thinking, what if the cancer is still growing at a super fast rate & what if the hormone treatment doesn't work fast enough or the right way.  Fear was creeping into my mind and all the what ifs were haunting me.  I started praying as I picked myself off the floor to shower & saying the name of Jesus over & over again.  As I dressed, my mind wandered again to the place of fear of the unknown.  I whistled for my kids to come help me. I wasn't sure whether I felt I would throw up or pass out or what so my kids touched me with their sweet, soft hands and that reminded me that God will take care of me.  I made my way down the stairs to sit on the couch but grabbed my cell phone first.  I had heard the text notification so I read the message from my friend. She was wishing me a better day today than yesterday with less pain and to be energized by God's love.  For a brief second I thought I could just deal with this on my own and then thought better of it. God has placed so many people in my life & my family's to help us through this hardship so I wrote back:

"Feeling shaky. Prayers needed to push back...actually remove all fear."

She replied back with a prayer for me:
"Dear Heavenly Father, I pray to you that you would take this fear and shaky feeling and bind it. Don't allow this to find its way into her mind. I pray your spirit and love would be felt upon Jeannette and guide her today, tomorrow, and each day through this. I lift this to you in your precious name. Amen

I was so thankful to have my children home with me because I handed the phone to one and asked them to lay hands on me and pray this prayer over me.  And then they hugged me with those soft, loving hands again.  I immediately picked up my devotion book another friend had sent me and found today's devotion.

Approach problems with a light touch. When your mind moves toward a problem area, you tend to focus on that situation so intensely that you lose sight of Me. You pit yourself against the difficulty as if you had to conquer it immediately. Your mind gears up for battle, and your body becomes tense and anxious. Unless you achieve total victory, you feel defeated.

There is a better way. When a problem starts to overshadow your thoughts, bring this matter to Me. Talk with Me about it and look at it in the Light of My Presence. This puts some much-needed space between you and your concern, enabling you to see from My perspective. You will be surprised at the results. Sometimes you may even laugh at yourself for being so serious about something so insignificant.

You will always face trouble in this life. But more importantly, you will always have Me with you, helping you to handle whatever you encounter. Approach problems with a light touch by viewing them in My revealing Light.

Psalm 89:15  Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, O Lord.

John 16:33  I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

If you know me personally, you know that this made me cry. Tears of joy and tears of peace. God reminded me that He is in control. He provided me with the support and the strength to cast the fears out of my mind and put my eyes on him again.

I wanted to share this with you because I am not perfect. I do not always have it together. My eyes are not always fixed on Christ.  I am human & a sinful one. Thankfully the Holy Spirit dwells within me and God has put people around me to help me get through these moments no matter how short or long they may last.  Be encouraged friends. God loves you the same as me and if you allow him, he can do the same for you.

Some GOOD news!!!!

Hours after I read the devotion and received God's peace, I received a phone call from the geneticist to tell me that the panel for my special genetics testing was done and everything came back NEGATIVE!  

 Praise God

Just received a call from our insurance company to tell me that the specialist that was billed as out of network (so we would have to pay the full bill) was incorrectly billed. Praising God for more good news. They will re-bill it and go from there. :)

Prayers are being answered. Still requesting that more be lifted for us.  And a dear friend of mine was told her dr found a lump in her breast at her exam and she needs to have a mammogram done.  She is scared and needs prayer so please pray for her. Peace and comfort as she waits for results. And a report of excellent results too!

And finally for today.  It is the 15th of the month.  Today is the day that I change my contacts & also the day I have Adam put sulfur in the water pipes (if the right season to kill tree roots).

AND Today is the day that Ladies need to do a self exam of their breasts. Please don't put this off. I know they say to do it with your cycle but some ladies I know have long cycles. Some ladies are reaching menopause & don't have a cycle, and some have regular 28 day cycles.  Please, take the time today to do a self exam. PLEASE!!!!  If you don't know how, as your doctor for a handout or google the instructions.  No excuses.  Some insurances are starting to cover mammograms at the age of 35 for a baseline.  Schedule your appointment and go get squished!  And men, you should be doing self exams for yourself as well.  Sorry if this makes people feel uncomfortable but to me, if I can remind even one person, it's worth it!

Small Ann Arbor Update

Well, it's not much but it's something worth sharing. I got a call from a New Patient Advocate down in Ann Arbor that a friend had hooked me up with when she was there recently.  The new patient advocate called and was able to transfer me to the correct person working on my admission.  I left her a message and someone called me back a little later.  She emailed me the Records Release Form so I could sign it & email it back to her so they can get all my info in their hands & schedule my appointment so if more tests need to be done, they can happen soon.  While on the phone with the lady, that's when Sadie face planted on the floor (see the pic I posted on Facebook). I hope I didn't sound like a terrible mom as I scooped her up & calmed her down as quickly as possible. The lady asked if I wanted her to call me back later but I said, "If you would just hold on for a minute, I can get her settled down quickly."  In my mind I was thinking, NO WAY lady, don't hang up, I need to get this process moving forward and not just waiting some more.  In our conversation, she asked me if I have an appointment with my doctor soon and I said, yes, in 2 weeks but he was hoping that I'd been seen by you guys before I met back with him again.  Her response was, Oh, he wants things done ASAP?  I said, why yes, he does!  So as soon as my phone beeped & told me I had a new email message, I printed, signed, & then scanned & emailed back the form they needed. :)  I did my part. Now waiting for the next step to be done.  All in God's timing.  I'm praying for God to hook us up with the BEST team of doctors and nurses for ME and what's going on in my body.  Thank you for continued prayer.  And perhaps you are the kind of person that can't find the words.  Well, just tell that to God. He knows what's in your heart. You don't have to be what some might say is eloquent. You don't have to pray perfectly. He just asks for you to be you and share your heart with him.  Give it a try. Sincerity is a great start no matter the words.  Here's a song I love because it reminds me that God wants all of ME!