Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Waiting on the Lord

 I didn't want to make you all wait longer to find out what the doctor said and I would appreciate the continued prayers & would like them focused in certain areas, unless of course, the Holy Spirit guides you to pray otherwise.  So here's what we found out.

The doctor got the bone scan results and from what I understand from what he said, it looks pretty much the same as the Pet Scan that was done back in November.  So that seems to be decent news.  Praise God!  The tumor marker number was 200 in Nov, 204 in Jan, and 278 in Feb.  They drew another one today and I am fully expecting it to go down.  Why?  Because God has done some work in me and I think that when the doctor calls on Monday that it will have gone down.  And that's actually what I'd like for all the prayer warriors to be specifically praying for; that number to drastically drop.  The estrogen number is down to 12 but we are looking to get that number down to 0.  Since it hasn't come down any farther, there are a few options, I could start another shot regimen that will be 2 shots every 2 weeks on top of the 2 shots I get monthly.  Another option is that they laparoscopically remove the ovaries.  This decision also hinges a little on how the marker number comes back.  So I ask for God's wisdom and direction in the next step of this journey.  I will wait upon the Lord's guidance and let him renew the strength inside of me.  He has revealed a few things to me in the past few weeks and though I don't feel quite led to share all the details just yet on here, I am sure the time will come soon when I do.  Trusting God is easy & hard all at the same time. lol  I'm sure many of you can understand where I'm coming from with that statement.  So we wait some more.  And I am truly not worried about this next number.  I have also been praying for God's wisdom & guidance to be shown to my doctors and medical staff and that they won't steer me wrong.  In all of this I am seeking for God to ordain my steps.  I know that when I am seeking Him, He will answer and guide me, just as he has been.

Thank you for your continued prayers & support & walking alongside of us through this.  I am especially thankful that despite this attack from the devil being meant to tear my faith down, God is using it instead to draw me closer to Him and draw my family closer to Him & build our Faith!  He IS faithful. He is merciful, He is compassion, He IS the great I AM, He is my strength, my portion, He is love, he is the Lion of Judah.  We will overcome and win this war.  Praise God for healing me!  Praise God for the truth of His Word!  Praise God for the promises He has given us in His word!  Bless the Lord o my Soul and all that is within me Bless His holy name! Psalm 103.  This is what I have been meditating on from God's word.  And a side note if you are wondering, I have made it through Genesis, Job, Exodus, and I am reading Leviticus right now.  Very cool thing is that God has used some of the things I have recently read to be shared with me by others when talking about this journey.  God is using verses that are fresh in my mind to solidify how cool he works things out.  And reminds me that He works things together for the good of those that love Him and are called to His purpose (Romans 8:28).

Psalm 103

New King James Version (NKJV)

Praise for the Lord’s Mercies

A Psalm of David.

103 Bless the Lord, O my soul;
And all that is within me, bless His holy name!
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget not all His benefits:
Who forgives all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases,
Who redeems your life from destruction,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies,
Who satisfies your mouth with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

Monday, March 17, 2014

Fear Not, no room for Fear!

You may be wondering how I am doing the day before the bone scan.  Well to be honest, I am doing quite well.  I have less pain today than I have had in about a week.  I am completely in God's hands and I am standing on the promises in His Word.  Because of the prayers of His people (you, the prayer warriors), I am at peace. I have God's peace that passes all understanding inside of me and it is breaking forth to share with others how, through Jesus, I am not scared.  People keep telling me that I look (physically) great. That I am glowing.  I can tell you this and I know this for sure with every ounce of my being....it is only through the Glory of God that I look this way.  He is taking care of me. He has lifted me up to carry me through this & no matter what the doctors find out from the scan tomorrow, no matter how crazy I may sound by stating this, I KNOW this with my heart, that God will do what's best for me. I trust him with all my heart. He is not just walking beside me but carrying me through this to the other side of it. The side of manifested healing.  I watched a great movie yesterday called "Faith Like Potatoes".  And it was a fabulous reminder that no matter what others say, when you hear something from God, you need to keep it in your heart and Trust and have Faith that it will be revealed to everyone in due time.  It's a simple thing to think about, potatoes don't grow so that you can see that they are there.  But when you plant them, you trust and have faith that what you planted will grow and you will reap what you have sown.  That is where I am at right now.  Even if people can't see what I see with my heart, with my faith *I walk by faith, not by sight* I know deep down that they will eventually see it.  I could be fearful of what the bone scan tomorrow might reveal.  But I am choosing to trust God, to praise him for all the things he's done in my life already, praising him for healing me, and pushing out any & ALL fear. It has no place in me.  And I know that the only way to do that is to draw closer to God with each day, hour, minute, second, and moment that I live and breathe.  I am just an ordinary person that is allowing God to use me to share the great things he has done & is doing.  The really cool thing is that this isn't something that is impossible for you to have yourself.  It does take time. It does take giving up some things that we might want to do but I personally want to draw closer to God so much that I have given up watching a lot of the shows I used to watch. I have given up checking Facebook as frequently as I used to.  I know that I don't want to sacrifice special time with my family too much so I am striving for a balance & God knows this.  God is sustaining me and he can most certainly do the same for you.  I'm not more special than you. I am special to God, you are special to God.  He wants each of us to draw closer to Him & have a special relationship with him.

Let me share with you about fear and why I will not accept it to be in my life.  Andrew Wommack made the comment in one of the teachings on Don't Limit God and he said this, "Fear releases the power of the devil just like faith releases the power of God."  That is why I will not allow fear into my heart or my mind. There is no place for fear.  And I know from the Word of God that in  1John 4:18 it says this, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love casts out (or drives out) fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

Don't let fear eat you up. Don't allow it to consume you or make you full of anxiety. That is not what God wants for you. Cast all your cares, worries on Him for he cares for you!  Hand over all that baggage.  We all have it.  It may seem different. Sometimes we think our own baggage is worse than someone else's. Or maybe we think, well, I'm not as bad as that other person, I can handle it....God is not asking you to carry it.  He asks you to lay it at the foot of the cross.  He gave his Son up so that you wouldn't have to carry the baggage of your past.  And sometimes we have to lay that baggage down over & over again because we pick it back up. Give up the baggage but don't ever, EVER give up on yourself.  God certainly hasn't and Never will. NEVER.  He loves you so much!!!  HE is perfect Love!  Allow him to cast out ALL fear, even if you think you don't deserve for Him to do that for you.  He desires to do it anyway. He wants To set you free and have a special relationship with you!  He's calling you!  He says Come to me!

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Trust, Peace, Hope, & Healing

I have been busy trying to keep up with everything around the house & with the family.  I think I'm doing a decent job but that makes it so I don't have much computer time. Which is okay but means that I don't take the time to share on my blog as often as I would like.  So it's time to catch up again. lol

Today I received a phone call from my oncologist.  He called to tell me that the tumor marker numbers have risen & now I need to have a bone scan done on Tuesday here in Escanaba.  They were 204 before and they have jumped to 275 which is not the direction that he wants them to go.  I would say it's amazing at how much peace I have but it is actually no amazement to me since I know that it is God who has blessed me with His peace that passes all understanding.  I am not scared or nervous about what the scan will show.  I know that no matter what, God will take care of me & my family.  I trust HIM with all my heart, soul, & mind.

Proverbs 3:1-8

New International Version (NIV)

Wisdom Bestows Well-Being

My son, do not forget my teaching,
    but keep my commands in your heart,
for they will prolong your life many years
    and bring you peace and prosperity.
Let love and faithfulness never leave you;
    bind them around your neck,
    write them on the tablet of your heart.
Then you will win favor and a good name
    in the sight of God and man.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
    and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to him,
    and he will make your paths straight.
Do not be wise in your own eyes;
    fear the Lord and shun evil.
This will bring health to your body
    and nourishment to your bones.

On Saturday I had the opportunity to attend a meeting that Bruce Van Natta shared his testimony at.  What a miraculous testimony it was.  If you are interested in reading more you can visit his website. I've actually not had the time to check his website out but I listened to him share in person. sweetbreadministries  Anyway, while there, I went up for prayer.  I was sort of expecting something along the lines of a healing from the cancer but what Bruce said to me that the Holy Spirit shared with him was very similar to what a lady had said to me a few weeks ago when a group of ladies were praying over me.  It sort of caught me by surprise and I knew it was from God because there is no other way he would have known, except from the Spirit revealing it to him as it has been revealed to this other lady (especially since we had not had a conversation).  I believe that God took that bondage from my past & freed me from it.  I felt lifted & free.  In fact, I still do Praise God.  And I also experienced less pain in my shoulder blades which is an answered prayer since the bones there had been affected.

When I received the call today about the number going up, I was reminded that the blood was drawn prior to this prayer.  I know that satan is trying to use this to create fear in me and I will not fall for that. Instead, I will draw near to God & put my hope & trust in him.

I know many of you are praying for us already.  We REALLY appreciate it. That's the reason I feel so much at peace despite this bump in the journey.  Please continue to pray.  I have been concentrating on praising God & thanking him for healing me (since 1 Peter 2:24 says that by his stripes we were healed), especially my bones since the scan will be done on Tuesday next week.  The verses above have been a source of guidance for me when I pray and I am standing on God's word that says to fear the Lord & not be wise in my own eyes because it will bring what I am asking for... health to my body & nourishment to my bones. I can't type anymore tonight since I am dealing with a 1 year old that has lack of sleep from the time change (which means mom does too). She's irrational, crabby, & could use a full night's sleep.  So please pray for a sweet sleep for all of us...it's biblical you know. :)
Proverbs 3:24
When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

God knows our needs better than we do.

God knows how many hairs are on my head! (yours too!)
                      Matthew 10:30 And even the very hairs on your head are numbered.
He cares deeply for me (and you too!)  He knows my needs and I wanted to share something he did for me today (well yesterday since I didn't get to post this yet) .

Sometimes it's easy to read the verses of the Bible and think wow, that's pretty cool that God did that back then and to think that the days & time we live in are quite different then back when the Bible was written.  But as I've shared before  Jesus is the same yesterday, today, & forever. Hebrews 13:8  Which means that the God of back when the Bible was written is the same God that is here today.  That's quite reassuring to me.  That also means that not only does he know every hair on my head & have compassion for me, he knows what I need even better than I do.

Take today for example.  I had a conversation with someone who shared with me that his brother was diagnosed with cancer of the blood last year.  It affected his kidneys and when they did a cancer number (kinda like the tumor marker they did on me), they normally range in the hundreds, this man's was over 5,000.  Since his kidneys were so affected the doctors were hopeful that they could get him back to at least 75% of function of what it used to be and they wanted to decrease the cancer marker to 25% of the 5,000.  So if I've done my math correctly, they were aiming for 1,250.

That doesn't sound altogether too hopeful to me, more like a half hope.  I mean, it's kinda like what they said to me about being incurable.  BUT, and let me tell you, it matters where you put your but. lol
I know the one true God.
              The God of all creation.
                         The God that knew me while I was in my mother's womb.
                                       The God that knows how many hairs are on my head and loves me and has                                                    compassion for me, is full of mercy, and kindness, and so much more!
                                He is greater than anything on this earth.
                       Even greater than the doctors (whom he created).
         He's greater than any sickness or disease (even cancer, and just as the holy spirit revealed to me a few months back, just like sin is sin to God, sickness is sickness to him as well & cancer ain't nothin'.)

Back to this man's brother...they were praying for God to heal him completely & make him whole.  I think he went through some treatments but remember, even with the treatments the doctors felt that there was only so much that could be done for him.  This man had a few different doctors and when they did some tests later, the doctor came back to tell him that his kidney function was actually at 100% and was totally amazed.  He responded to the surprise by saying that it was answered prayer.  Then another test was done and instead of getting the cancer marker down to 1,250, they actually couldn't find ANYTHING in his body of the cancer.  His response when the doctor was surprised was "that's answered prayer!"  It didn't sound like the cancer doctor had a relationship with God and sort of rolled her eyes when he said it again that it was answered prayer.  This was encouraging to me to see the wonders and miracles that God has done & is still doing in people.  It reminded me of why testimonies are so important.  God knows that we need to be reminded of what He's done AND what HE's doing.  I think we forget easily, which is silly.  On a side note, I used to wonder when reading the Bible, how could the Israelites forget how God had freed them from Pharaoh and then go on & worship an idol calf they had made.  I used to judge them & think that it was amazing what he did by parting the Red Sea, among other things in order to free them & they forgot so quickly.  BUT ya know what?  I forget easily sometimes too and I'm gonna go out on a limb here & say that you probably do too.

God knew that I needed a reminder of the miracles & wonders he's done for others and done for me so that I can put my hope, my trust, my faith, and my eyes back on HIM.  I need to see things through God's eyes rather than my own.  This reminds me of what I've recently learned from Matthew 11.  Let me see if I can explain this the way I understand it.  I hope that I have this correct because I don't want to lead anyone in the wrong direction.  So here goes...

In Matthew 11, John the Baptist was in prison and he sent his disciples to go ask Jesus if he was the Messiah or should someone else be expected.   Why did John do it?  Why did he have such a question as this?  Didn't he get a word from God that when he baptized the Messiah that a dove would come down from heaven?  Didn't he spend his entire life learning & studying God's word while in the desert in order to pave the way for Jesus to come?  Wasn't he baptized in the holy spirit 3 months prior to his birth?  Didn't he see the dove come down after he baptized Jesus and hear God say "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."
        Matthew 3:16-17  16 As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that  moment heaven    was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. 17 And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”

So what happened that John was questioning his faith? Well...he was in prison.  I've never been in prison but I can say with certainty that prison back then was NO posh place.  I'm sure John was quite discouraged for a few reasons. For one, he was in prison. 2. He wasn't out preaching, doing his heart's desire like God had called him to do & that was probably hard for him.  And so even though he had been baptized with the Holy Spirit since he was about 6 months in his mother's womb and he had studied God's word in the desert his whole life and he had baptized Jesus in the Jordan and saw the dove come down & heard the voice of God say it was his son...he began to have doubts.  And that's probably where these questions came from. He probably had a long time to think & wonder if he had spent his whole life learning about God for nothing or had he said that Jesus was God's son when he wasn't??  Have you ever had doubts about something after?  I know I have.  Well John had studied God's word and knew that in Isaiah it said:

Isaiah 35:5-6

New International Version (NIV)
Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
    and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
Then will the lame leap like a deer,
    and the mute tongue shout for joy.

So when Jesus talked to John the Baptist's disciples, he told them to go and remind John of the scriptures he had studied and things he had seen happen, that the blind will see, the lame will walk, the deaf will hear & make it even better, he added that those with leprosy would be cleansed and the dead will be raised.  Wow!

But why didn't he tell John's disciples that he thought John was an amazing man?  Wouldn't that have been encouraging?  Probably to some degree but it was even better for Jesus to have John reminded of the word of God and it being fulfilled.  It was a testimony to Jesus' power to heal & save.  And I'm sure that John pondered on this and remembered what he had learned in his studies and what he had seen & this testimony renewed his faith, pushing out the doubt.

Matthew 11:1-15 (NIV)
Jesus and John the Baptist
1After Jesus had finished instructing his twelve disciples, he went on from there to teach and preach in the towns of Galilee. 2When John, who was in prison, heard about the deeds of the Messiah, he sent his disciples 3to ask him, “Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?” 4Jesus replied, “Go back and report to John what you hear and see:  5The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cleansed, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is proclaimed to the poor. 6Blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.” 7As John’s disciples were leaving, Jesus began to speak to the crowd about John: “What did you go out into the wilderness to see? A reed swayed by the wind? 8If not, what did you go out to see? A man dressed in fine clothes? No, those who wear fine clothes are in kings’ palaces. 9Then what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you, and more than a prophet. 10This is the one about whom it is written:  “ ‘I will send my messenger ahead of you, who will prepare your way before you.’
11Truly I tell you, among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist; yet whoever is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he.  12From the days of John the Baptist until now, the kingdom of heaven has been subjected to violence, and violent people have been raiding it.  13For all the Prophets and the Law prophesied until John.  14And if you are willing to accept it, he is the Elijah who was to come.  15Whoever has ears, let them hear.

This chapter has become important to me as I battle doubts that creep up in my mind. Satan trying to steel my joy in Christ.  Satan trying to make me question my faith.  So today I am thankful that God blessed me with a testimony of a man's brother who's doctors hadn't given him hope of a complete healing and yet, he was completely healed.  Praise God!  My hope, my trust, my faith is in HIM!  Thank you Lord for renewing my faith and renewing my mind with testimonies are your Word.  I will meditate on your word day & night for you alone are God!

Heavenly Father,
There are so many people in this world that are broken and need to be made whole.  I know that when Jesus died on the cross, he didn't just die for our sins, he died for our healing too and you want us to be whole.  Abba-father, I ask that you minister to each person that is broken, is in need of healing, forgiveness, of knowing your great love.  May your word be planted into their hearts and seep down into the very depth of their souls, mine too, so that we can not only experience all that you have for us but that we are overflowing with love, compassion, kindness, faith, joy, peace, mercy, grace, patience, goodness, faithfulness, & self-control in order to share it with others.  May we be the salt and light in this ever darkening & sinful world.  Please keep reminding us of your signs, wonders, miracles, & blessings so that we can keep our eyes focused on you.  And help us to walk by faith, not by sight. For that is only a fraction of reality.
In your precious son, Jesus' name. Amen