Tuesday, December 9, 2014

December 2nd tumor marker is in and...

I have to keep this super short as I have many things still left to do today. The holiday time around here is usually quite busy with Adam working extra time and having 3 kids in programs. We've actually added two extras this year since Gabby is in both Band & Chorus & Morgan sang a song at the Cabaret for church on Sat.  Even though it can get stressful getting to all these events, I honestly enjoy them all. The teachers & students put so much time and effort into making wonderful Christmas programs & it makes me thrilled to watch them and hear my kiddos sing about the birth of Jesus Christ.

So to the meat of the title on this blog entry. Let me remind you that I was having these numbers drawn monthly up until this last one which was drawn 3 months after the previous.  The doctor was very happy with the newest number and said that it being fairly low as well as stable is good.
August 74.3
Sept 56.4
Dec 53.5

I am praising God!!! Gabby was hoping I would get to do one of my silly happy dances this time for a big fat goose egg but it wasn't there quite yet. Doesn't mean I didn't do a small happy dance. I will say this again because it is worth repeating, my good friend said that when her Dad was given a cancer free statement from his doctor, the tumor marker was still there....however it eventually went down to really low, it just took a little extra time to get to what they saw on his scans. I guess under 3 is good. So that means, I'm only 51 points away or as my daughter says 53.5 points away from a huge silly dance because we are believing in a 0.

I've heard girl pray, "Thank you God for healing my mom from cancer and all the stuff it has done to her body. Thank you Lord for getting the tumor marker down to 0 so she can do one of those crazy happy dances and for disintegrating the tumor completely! In Jesus' name, Amen!"

Yes, I have an amazing girl! And yes, that's a prayer of faith!

I have had much less pain, nearly none for days now and I attribute it to praying Ezekiel 37 over my bones. That's what God lead me to do.  It might not be the verses that you need but what I encourage you to do is to pray and ask the holy spirit what you should be praying over your body.  He's waiting to help you follow God's will and plan for you.  Do it sooner than later. He loves you & wants you to seek Him.

Thank you God for good stable numbers. Like my daughter says & believes, I too thank you for disintegrating the tumor & the tumor marker. I thank you for restoring my bones & anything else that was damaged from the cancer. I give you ALL the glory. For you are faithful, you are awesome, full of compassion, love, & mercy. You sent your Son as a gift for me and for everyone. It may not have been in December, but it is a great time to celebrate an amazing miracle in such a small child. Thank you!!! In Jesus' name, Amen.

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Veteran's Day

Veteran's Day
There really should be more than just one day to remember our Veteran's and all the sacrifice that they made for us in the past and in the present. Our Veteran's have not only sacrificed their lives for our freedoms but also the time with their families, the memories that often haunt them for years and years. But I will not forget the story I heard about my Grampa Kenny and when he enlisted. It is my understanding that there must have been a few lines for these young men to wait in and sign up for the branch of military that they chose. My Grampa was in one line and had struck up a conversation with another young man. As they waited they talked & talked and before it was their turn to sign, the young man half-jokingly told my Grampa that he thought he was in the wrong line. My Grampa's response was something like, I think you're right. So he got in the same line as his new friend and they enlisted in the U.S. Navy. They were dear friends until a few years ago when my Grampa went to be with Jesus in January of 2011 and that's when I heard this endearing story. I knew they had been friends for many years but to hear this story from his friend at the funeral, it meant a lot to me. Grampa never thought of himself as a hero, as most that serve don't feel that way. They are often doing what needs to be done and do it with an unselfish attitude and love for not only their own family & friends but for all of our Nation. I wish I had a pic of my Grampa in his uniform to share with you all, he was an extraordinary man.

Today I honor the memories of all who gave their lives for our Country, not just those who died during the war but ALL who served in years past as well as those who are currently serving our Country. May God's blessing be upon each and every one of you. May you have peace in your heart and your mind and forgive yourself for the lives you had to take to defend our freedom. And may each marriage that is affected by the separation of time together and intimacy and memories be strengthened through God and the bond of husband and wife be bound together with Christ.

Though I feel that thank you just simply isn't enough, it is all I have to offer. My family greatly appreciates each & every Veteran, not only on this day. Today we honor and remember. 

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Remembering & Imagination

I was looking at my blog posts and noticed that this one was not posted and since I had a conversation in which a close friend and I were talking about how do we make sure that when the tough times come, we are ready to do what God asks of us, no matter what.  I thought this post I had written back in March helps to illustrate a good point and wanted to share.

Remember how I shared that I have not read through the entire Bible?....yet.  Well, I'm working on it chronologically right now.  I'm nearing the end of Exodus and I have always wondered why the Israelites forgot so easily what God had done for them.  In a previous post, I touched a little on personally needing reminders & that God uses His Word and peoples' testimonies to help us remember the things he has done which helps strengthen our faith & our walk with him. As I was reading about the slavery of the Israelites and how God saved them from Egypt, I started to realize that it really doesn't take us long to forget or 'feel' forgotten about, in our sinful human nature.  Especially when trials come.

My Disclaimer: Now please realize that the Bible doesn't say all of this exactly as I am imagining it & I'm not trying to put words or meanings to the scripture.  What I am trying to do is apply it to my life, think about my human nature, kinda take a walk in their shoes rather than judging them, & realize how in the world these people who saw so many amazing things, miracles, food provided for them daily, etc could forget what God asked them to do in such a short time.  Would I do the same as them & create an idol to worship because the leader had not returned and brought directions to the group?  I used to think that was so stupid but as I'm walking through this journey, I don't honestly know how I would behave.

So Moses met with God and was told the Covenant that God wanted with the Israelites. Then Moses went & told the people what God had said & they responded that they would follow the covenant.  Then Moses went back up to be with God & the people were left down in their camp & didn't hear from Moses or see him for like 6 weeks.  While he was up there, God wrote the Commandments on the Tablets but all of this time with God took about 6 weeks.  The Israelites knew what God had done for them by bringing them out of Egypt & seeing the plagues that hit the Egyptians & didn't touch the Israelites, those were miracles that they witnessed with their own eyes yet, only a few months later, they had forgotten the vast & mighty things God had done to save them, to rescue them.  Then when their leader, Moses, the one they could see with their eyes, had gone up to be with God & talk with him, they got antsy, impatient, & probably scared.  They didn't know if Moses had died, if he was coming back, & since they had been in bondage for so long, their hearts were probably a bit frail in trusting God.  Sometimes we think that because we can see something it is more real.  They trusted Moses because they could see him.  I think they trusted God too but they may have wondered whether God had already forgotten about them.  Maybe many of them felt forgotten about when they were in Egypt for hundreds of years in slavery.  But God never forgot about them.  Like I said, I used to wonder how they could forget such amazing events.  I know, I don't want to forget the amazing things God has done for me.

So here's what I want to do. I want to remember the things that God has done in my life and the things He did many years ago in the times of those from the history of the Bible. I know that I will not remember everything myself so since I personally like words so much, I choose to use words to paint a picture in order to remember (journal).  This is where using my imagination sort of comes in.  A definition of imagination is:  the act or power of forming a mental image of something not present to the senses or never before wholly perceived in reality. So when I have seen something before but do not see it right now, I use my imagination to picture it or imagine it in my mind.  That helps me to remember it.  We imagine how to get somewhere when we are driving. When someone says pretend or imagine I have an apple in my hand here, almost everyone can imagine an apple sitting in the person's hand because we've either seen one or have a pretty good idea of what one looks like.  People may picture it in different colors (green vs red vs yellow) but you get the idea.  Well it is hard for us to remember anything that we can't picture.  Andrew Wommack talks about this and says, if you were asked how many doors you have in your house you might not know it right away, however, if you sat & pictured/imagined your house in your mind, you would more than likely be able to figure out how many doors you have.  So it would make sense to think that in order for us to remember things that God has done in our lives & those close to us, we would need to imagine it in order to remember it.  Why do I want to use my imagination for this?  I want to remember so that when times are tough, when I feel as though I don't see the end of the tunnel, I can remember that God is always faithful. That he wants what's best for me, and that he will help me get through to the end of the trial.  Make sense?  I thought so too.

Friday, November 7, 2014

On a less than spectacular day

Today I wanted to share some of the things I do on a day that is less than
spectacular for me. Having been diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer that has gone to my bones means that some days I hurt more than others. Whether you have a disease or whether you are aging or maybe you had a broken bone in the past and on damp or cold days, you have pain in the spot where you broke it....well I wanted to share what I do on days I am hurting. Why? Because it occurred to me that I'm not the only one that hurts and perhaps I have some things that I do that you could try or perhaps you have something I could try. (The verse in the image above is a great reminder and one that I quote often to keep speaking life into my own life...try it!)

I've found that on days that are damp & cold, such as yesterday, I start to feel achy in the bones of my back & hips. Rather than allow this to take over my body, I have been trying to find ways to help it feel better.  Taking a hot bath or shower seems to help warm my bones up so they don't hurt. Drinking something warm or hot such as a cup of tea, hot chocolate, apple cider, or a chai latte or soup warm me right from the inside out. Notice I didn't say coffee?  I'm not a huge fan of it. I know, sorry. lol  If I would drink coffee, I'd have to put way too much sugar & creamer in it that there wouldn't be a point of drinking it. I just think the stuff tastes bitter to me and I already consume some bitter apricot seeds so I'll skip the coffee.  I also have turmeric in my morning shake (also slightly bitter in the amount that I use) which is known to help with inflammation & has antioxidant actions so it's good for me.  Another great help to me when I'm hurting is to exercise. Something simple like walking or a little more in depth like my PiYo videos help a lot. Praying scripture over myself such as the verses found in Joyce Meyer's The Healing Word booklet help a lot. But some days the pain is more annoying and I just can't shake it so I might take some pain meds.  Rather than sitting down or laying on the couch, I usually find something else to do. If I have to sit down because my body is screaming at me to rest, I might listen to a sermon, or read my Bible. I try to do something that is positive for my body, mind & spirit rather than just something to get my mind off of the pain.  I know some people that avoid pain or avoid dealing with situations by sleeping and I don't see how that makes it all better so I don't just sleep the pain away. Why do I do this? Because I am determined to not let this disease totally rule my daily activities. Yes, I believe that I need to listen to my body but I also need to take charge over it in a way so that it doesn't take over me.  I hope that makes sense.  Finding a balance in this area is just as important as time management & household things. I have seen people that allow a diagnosis they've been given to rule and dictate them so much that they lose themselves. I understand that it is hard, sometimes it's REALLY hard but I am willing to fight in order to have a better quality of life while I wait for God's timing, expecting a full miracle!

What are some things that you do when you are in pain?  Do you find that it makes you crabby or more tired when you have pain? Is your pain a physical or emotional pain? God's word addresses Physical Healing, Emotional/Mental Healing, & Spiritual Healing. And these don't even include all of the scriptures that address healing, there are more!  Speak Life, not only to others but to yourself as well.  Speak life into your own life because God loves you and He made you in His image, so you are fearfully and wonderfully made!

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Happy Birthday Dad & Flashback to a year ago

Today is my Dad's birthday. Today I celebrate a strong, godly man, who is so black & white about things that it makes me laugh & makes me know where some of my no nonsense  decisions come from because many things are black & white to me as well. lol  Happy Birthday Pappy!!!  You are a great inspiration to me and I love you as BIG as the sky!  Keep on loving God & sharing about Him so more people come into His kingdom. I pray for blessings upon you & mom and that your body is healed from all the pain you've been experiencing in your body as you age & work so hard.  I know you don't put too much stock into birthdays but you really should. I say this only because it is not just a celebration of you, but that God loved you so much & created you & then drew you toward Him. Celebrate the day God blessed you with your family, your parents and your siblings! Celebrate your wife, girls & grandchildren! Have a safe trip today!

Flashback to a year ago today: I had started to make dinner for my family as I was feeling decent, not as tired as I had been feeling. I was actually feeling hopeful and then I got a call that knocked the wind out of me.  A call that told me that instead of the initial thought of Stage 2 or 3 for the breast cancer (which could be treated and gone in about 9 months total), they saw that it had traveled to my bones & was considered Stage 4, incurable but treatable.  I have been reminded of this diagnosis several times over the last 365 days. I was asked at the 2nd opinion I went to in Dec if I understood that they could not cure me but they could treat me and hoped to treat me for several years. Almost every time I heard the phrase 'incurable but treatable', I reminded myself that GREATER is HE that is in me, than he that is in the world! Why??? Because my hope is found in Christ, HE is greater than any disease or damage disease has done to my earthly body. My hope is the promise God gave me through the Holy Spirit at different times over the last year.  The promise that I will be healed.

On March 8th, I was prayed over and felt a freedom.  A few days after that, I was seeking God during a quiet time with him and asked him why he didn't remove the tumor, the Holy Spirit told me that he had removed the root of the problem and the rest would follow. That was good enough for me to keep going. During the summer, I shared about the SNOW message that God gave me, that I would be cleansed whiter than snow and I even got a verse to go along with it in the days that followed and I was reminded of a dream I had a few days before this verse came to me.  Then again I had been seeking God for an answer. I was feeling rather downhearted, not defeated but certainly not my hopeful self. I felt like my mind was racing with scenarios, with thoughts that were not from God and I kept having to pray that God would captivate my thoughts like his word says

2 Corinthians 10:5New International Version (NIV)

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
I was really struggling and when I was praying, I kept asking God why he didn't just finish healing me like he said he would.  It's a good thing that I know God can handle my incessant questions.  I think that a part of me was questioning why he thought it was best to do it a part at a time.  I know he wants the best for me and is doing what's best for me but I just wasn't seeing the point of all this waiting for the healing to come about completely.  My dear, sweet husband has on his phone "God's Timing" each & every time he turns his phone on as a reminder.
So I headed to this 2 day training for ladies that our church was putting on. I REALLY wanted to attend 2 classes for sure. The first one being a gifts & talents class. I thought it would be neat if they gave a test so I could see where my strengths are that God gave to me. It was a long class but Adam was on nights at the time & said that he would watch Sadie for a little while until the older kids got home & could watch her while he went to take a nap before going to work later. So I happily answered all the questions with a ton of paperwork for the class and got some cool answers for the quiz.  I was thrilled that I was able to complete the whole class. It was time for dinner so with a smile on my face, I drove home for dinner with my children and to see how they were doing. I wasn't sure if I'd be able to head back to the church building for the evening session where the keynote speaker was to be teaching since I'd have to leave my kids on their own with Adam trying to sleep before work.  My kids were behaving great and they asked if they could watch a movie & told me that I should go back & listen to the sermon. So, I did what any mother in her right mind would do......NO, I did not stay home. I headed to that service and I was blessed beyond words. I shared a tiny blip of this on FB when it happened but I want to share a little more because when I told a friend about it the other day, she said, that it was really cool.
Remember the question I kept asking God?  Why wasn't he giving me the full healing all at once?  When Lisa Rodriguez started sharing from a chapter called The Groundskeeper from her new book I got my answer and it all made sense.  God is a strategist. He does things with a purpose & a plan. When He told the Israelites in Exodus 23 that he would give them the promised land, he didn't just hand them everything. He said he would drive out the enemy little by little until they became fruitful and could take care of all He had given them.  I felt as though this was the answer I had been seeking & God used Lisa to share it with me. God had told me he'd cleanse me as white as snow, He told me he tore out the root and would take care of the rest. And now he was telling me to keep trusting Him. Trust that with each portion he gave to me, once I possessed it, once I received the gift of it, he would continue fulfilling the promise of being completely healed & whole.  A quote I loved from Lisa was this, "God is a strategist, so he says he'll work with the situation until it's time for the victory! Don't listen to the enemy!"  It is time for me to possess what God has given me so that the enemy can NOT take it back.  With God, I must hold my ground & not give up.
So much of what Lisa shared hit me right where I needed it.  I believe that my husband, children, & I worked together so that I could attend this sermon. I was extra thankful that my children were so willing to allow me the time to seek God because I really needed to be refreshed.  It was like a great kick in the pants to remind me that God's NOT done!  I believe God made me a promise and I am willing to keep seeking Him & following Him to receive the end result.  So when Lisa was done sharing, I was crying. I was crying and thanking God for answering my prayers about why I haven't received the full healing yet.  I trust God and HIS timing (just like Adam's phone reminds us).  This isn't 1 step forward & 2 steps back. It is a matter of baby steps to gain the ground against the enemy & God's plan is the best one so I am thankful that when I wasn't seeing the Big picture, that He helped me remember to trust Him.
Do you have something that you've been praying about & feel as though you haven't gotten an answer.  Keep seeking God.  Keep asking Him.  And then Be STILL and allow Him to answer you.  Open your heart to what He will share with you.

One of my favorite songs right now that has a great beat as well as amazing words is called "Greater" by Mercy Me.  Folks, it's Biblical and worth remembering. Watch the video. EVERY time you feel down, or defeated, remember that the battle has already been won when Jesus died on the cross AND rose again.

1 John 4:4New International Version (NIV)

You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in youis greater than the one who is in the world.

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Remembering my Gram

It has taken me a week to have the time and the mind to sit down and type this message.  Last Wednesday night, the earth lost a lovely, beautiful, soul and Heaven gained one.  My Gram went to be with Jesus.  She lived a fairly long & wonderful life. It was filled with ups and downs but she always trusted God to bring her through each valley. She loved God so much and one of my favorite things about her was that she always had people in her home for small group/Bible Studies. I learned so much from my parents bringing me to her & my Grampa's house to be taught about God's Word.  I remember going there from a very young age. We would sing worship songs & hymns, which was one of my favorite parts. She was always so welcoming & hospitable to those who entered her home. I told her a few times over the last few years after Adam & I had some small groups meet in our home, that it was neat to have our place filled with the Holy Spirit and to share God's love & Word with others, just like she & Grampa did in their home. I thanked her for being such a good example to us since I was a little girl.  I could never compare my hospitality to hers because we did things differently but I know she was pleased when I told her that we hosted small groups.  I still remember going to my Gram's with my mom and the song that the ladies would sing when they gathered for Bible Study & then had lunch. "Be present at our table Lord, be here and ev'rywhere adored, His mercy bless and grant that we, may feast in paradise with thee. Amen" I loved listening to my Gram sing, especially when she'd harmonize with her siblings. Such beautiful music and harmony.  I bet the choir in heaven sounds even better now with her there but oh how I miss her warm smile.  Her heart was for God and was just BEAUTIFUL!!!

Those who know my Gram, knew that she was a phenomenal cook. I think she was not only skilled in the kitchen & knew what things complimented each other nicely but the love that she put into her cooking made it taste EVEN better. I wouldn't doubt if she prayed a blessing upon the food as she prepared it.  She always had something to eat, even when one would stop by unannounced. I'm not sure how she did it, but she was amazing!  One of my favorite places to go was to her & Grampa's house. It was full of love, joy, peace, fun, & good food (her bread was delicious, her cinnamon rolls were divine, spaghetti that none compared to, oh how I could go on & on)

Gram would cook a delicious & HUGE meal for any gathering or holiday and us older granddaughters and aunts would help clean up after the meal was done.  Aunt Lynne always made cleaning up a lot of fun & so memorable.  At Christmas, we'd put music on & sing & dance (I'm no good at dancing either lol) and we'd get all the leftovers put away & dishes washed & put away.  Gram loved to watch movies, she loved to laugh, sing, & visit.  She had a knack for knowing when a camera was on her & she's 'pose' though our joke was often the opposite after she was telling someone one time to "Act Natural" with the camera around & as soon as she realized it was on her she posed. We laughed so hard.  But as you can see from photos, she was beautiful on the outside too. Like drop dead  Gorge-wah!  Yes, I miss my Gram but I know that she is filled with joy, her body is healthy & strong, she's in God's presence and that is EXACTLY what she was designed for at her mansion in Heaven.  So this Saturday, when we celebrate and remember Gram, we'll shed tears because we miss her but we will laugh & sing & be joyful for we know that the Bible says those that ask Jesus into their hearts will leave this earth & go to be with God in heaven.  Gram, we'll see you on the other side. We love you dearly & are praising God for allowing us to be a part of your life & that you were such a blessing to soooooo many.  I will see you, but I plan to grow old here first so I can leave a legacy to my family & those God puts along my journey the way you did.  I miss you and love you Gram!!!

Monday, September 15, 2014

Refresh my Soul

How do you refresh your soul?  Is there only ONE way of doing it?  I personally don't think so.  I find that my soul feels refreshed with a variety of things.  To name a few; spending time with Jesus, reading my Bible, praying, listening to worship music (praising Jesus), exercise, organizing, spending time with family or a friend, sometimes even watching a movie.

Last Thursday I had planned to spend some time with one of my best friends (I have several BFFs :) ).  We have both been so busy with getting ready for school & school starting that we had not had the time to just hang out together.  But we had worked a time into our schedules and Thursday was it!  And when I left from the few hours we spent talking together, I felt refreshed.  I knew that I wanted to share this with all of you because it is very important to make sure to take time to refresh your soul.  We are made of 3 parts; 1.) Body 2.) Soul and 3.) Spirit.  Our soul is also made up of 3 parts, our a.) mind b.) will  and c.) emotions  And the condition of our soul is connected to our level of peace.  A recent sermon I was listening to talked about our soul and when the soul is healed & refreshed, you'll have peace.  I was fortunate enough that I also had a scheduled best friends time on Friday evening and when I left from my friends, I was even more refreshed.

I find it so unbelievably cool that God knows exactly what we need and His timing is amazing!

"Thank you Lord for refreshing my soul.  Please guide others to learn how to put you first and learn how to refresh their soul as well.  It makes for more peace and joy in our lives. And when we have you at the top of the priority list, everything else seems to fall into place so much better!  Jesus, send true, loyal, loving friends to each of those reading this blog, so they can know how wonderful it is to have a friend that helps make them better because that is a blessing.  Help us to choose friendships that sharpen us and to recognize when friendships do the opposite. If we have the latter kind of friendships, guide us to know what you would have us do about that friendship. We long to follow your will and your plan. In Jesus' name, Amen."

God's word says he will refresh our soul.
Psalm 23:3 (NIV)
HE refreshes my soul. HE guides me along the right paths for HIS name's sake.

Here is more of Psalm 23. It is a Psalm that is known by many and states right in it that he will refresh our soul.

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

With God I will triumph!

Had the tumor marker drawn yesterday. Result should be in by next week sometime.  I have been feeling stronger. Praise GOD!  I'm pleased that I am able to do more of the things I used to do. Still have to try not to overdo it though. But I TRUST God and know that He is healing me!

The doctor said that since I've received 12 shots of the bone strengthening meds he wants to drop it down to once every 3 months instead of every month.  Apparently there aren't any good studies to show the very best way to give this drug so he's airing on the side of caution and starting to spread the shots out.  That means that I have to go in to have the port flushed each month by the nurse but won't have any labs drawn until I go back at the beginning of December.  I guess this is what one would call a holding pattern & seems to be the norm to check every 3 months when things are appearing good. Can I hear a Praise GOD! again? Lol

We talked about what the timing of breast surgery might look like and I was told that I don't have to rush to make a decision whether to have it done or not done.  If I go and do it now, it will require a full mastectomy and then reconstruction which seems more complicated & painful than I had originally thought before obtaining information from the plastic surgeon.  Since they don't know how this will all play out because of the breast cancer metastasized into my bones, they don't want me to be in pain or to have to have several surgeries.  They want to be sure that I can spend as much time with my family as possible & have a good value of life.  Both the breast & plastic surgeon are very skilled and seem to be looking for the best way to take care of me that they know how.  I feel as though the tumor is still shrinking some so when Adam & I met with the plastic surgeon last month, we had decided to just wait for at least a month to make a decision about surgery.  It's a pretty permanent decision and we want to follow God's will for this journey and Adam & I both felt comfortable postponing for at least 1 month.  That month is nearly up now and though we aren't being told we need to make a decision right now, we need to talk about it again & keep seeking God's plan for whether surgery is in my future or whether the healing will come in another avenue.  Surgery would require 1-2 nights in the hospital. No doing ANYTHING for like a week. Followed by another full week of very little activity.  Probably no driving for 2 weeks from surgery and then a total of 6 weeks to a full recovery from the date of surgery if no complications arise.  Not my favorite option but we are fully considering it & as I have said before, we know that God's path of healing can mean surgery or perhaps supernatural ways or something in between.

I have started trying to juice at least 1 day a week right now so as to get more vitamins & minerals into my body to help my immune system.  I am looking to juice about 3 days a week because I think that is the path God has for me.  I don't think that I will solely juice all my meals but I am trying to cut or limit certain foods, (like dairy & sugar).  I still drink my Shakeology.  Sometimes it's what helps me get some of the not so tasty supplements down because I really like the flavor of my Vegan chocolate Shakeology, thankfully I can hide other stuff in my smoothie each morning.  I really have to just make the time to get the juicing done (it's actually fun with the juicer that I'm borrowing from my parents) but it can take some time to prep the veggies.  And I must say that I am bummed about the cheese but I'm sure I'll get over that after awhile.  Well... maybe. lol  Whatever the case may be, I feel that God wants me to use the information I learned in college as I obtained my Bachelor of Science in Dietetics, my love for food & research to help fuel my body as much as I can to beat this disease!  I am trying to be proactive in my care & what I put into my body.  Prior to being diagnosed last year, we had switched to using a lot of Melaleuca products to cut down on the amount of chemicals in our house.  I was trying to go with a more natural way of doing things but no matter how much I use vinegar, it still smells not so good with my sensitive nose & I have a hard time getting over that so Melaleuca products is the way we went.  And then I was diagnosed in Oct 2013 and we still use Melaleuca products.  I have actually stopped using some of the hair products I had initially purchased because I found that the more natural shampoo, an herbal blend, is better for us.

Finding balance, it's something I always seem to struggle with.  I'm sure if I would go back & re-read blog posts from the last few years there would be this theme of trying to be more organized and consistent, as well as finding balance for everything.

My days are filled with waking kids up EARLY, getting them ready & out the door, dropping them off at school & then getting some chores done that the kids used to help me with.  The dishes still need put away. The laundry still needs washed, dried, & put away & Sadie still needs to have time with mommy & grocery shopping as well as all sorts of other things need to get done.  I give working moms a TON of credit for working outside your home as well as all the mom stuff at home.  And moms staying at home, it's not easy to send your kiddos off to school & still be home to get all those things done. Time management is essential & if I plan to teach my children good time management, I need to get better at it myself.  And then there are the moms who stay at home but school their kids too as well as all the other mom/wife stuff.  WOW!  Talk about a lot of work!  Great job to all the moms, no matter what your situation is.  Loving your kids & teaching them how to do things the right way is a lot of work!  I can't say it the same way for dads as I'm not a dad but dads do an amazing job as well.  Keep up the great work parents, it's hard work but will be well worth it to see our children grow up to be great people, loving, caring, kind, owning their own faith (that's super important to me), and so much more!

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Overcoming Doubt

I may have written about this in the past (pretty sure I did but I'm not taking the time to verify) and that's okay. It's worth revisiting because it is something everyone deals with and it is something that I have had stirred up in the past few weeks. Doubt.  Wondering whether I will receive a supernatural healing so I don't have to have a mastectomy. Wondering whether I will finally get a clean bill of health instead of being told that this Stage 4 disease is not curable but treatable, etc.

I was talking with a friend on Sunday who was encouraging me (she thinks I was the one encouraging her but little does she know God had it working BOTH ways). Anyway, I was telling her that the reason that my faith is where it is at is because I have seen God do some amazing things in my life & in those near me.  Because I have journaled about several experiences, I was able to recall these acts of compassion from God.  With the talk about the mastectomy surgery lately, I have had feelings of doubt stirred up and I don't like them. in fact, I HATE them.  But instead of allowing them to debilitate me so that I can't function or feel helpless, I have turned to my faith in God, my savior Jesus Christ to dissipate all the junk...the doubt.

I reread "How to Overcome Doubt" by Andrew Wommack because I had it printed out. You can read it here.  And I had to laugh because I remembered a lot of it but there were parts that really jumped out at me and helped me grasp hold of the doubt, the fear, & I'm happy to say that God is helping me kick it out.  Even John the Baptist, a man who studied God's word, dedicated his life to preparing the way for God's Son Jesus to come and do his work, even John had doubt.  Anyone can doubt but the change of getting rid of the doubt happens when we put our eyes back in God's word, back on the one who can change things & who makes a difference.

Wommack states, "Overcoming doubt isn't just about feeling better; it's about getting back into faith that only comes from the Word of God (Romans 10:17)."
Romans 10:17  Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.

I am reminded that I must "come back to the place where God's Word is more real to me that anything I can see, taste, hear, smell, or even feel.  When in doubt, I must refer back to the Word of God just the way Jesus told John the Baptist to do.  And I must get my faith so rooted in God's Word alone that I can withstand a hurricane (which this disease feels like at times.)

God has sustained me before, he has shared with me, some of the promises I believe he has for my life and he is not a liar. He is and will continue to take care of me.  This doubt has to leave, the fear that I may never get a clean bill of health has to leave. God has not given me a spirit of fear but rather of love, power, and a sound mind.  His word says these things & I trust his word as TRUTH.  So I stand, firm in his arms, I stand against this disease. I stand!

I had some time to myself with no one around yesterday and I took the opportunity to pray, to cry out to God, to YELL a little and cry a little and then once I had that out, I was able to fix my eyes on the cross again.  I am so grateful that God can handle my crazy emotions and not only can he handle them but he can help me to get focused again.  Praise to the One true God, his love endures forever!
Psalm 136:1-26

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the God of gods.
His love endures forever.
Give thanks to the Lord of lords:
His love endures forever.
to him who alone does great wonders,
His love endures forever.
who by his understanding made the heavens,
His love endures forever.
who spread out the earth upon the waters,
His love endures forever.
who made the great lights
His love endures forever.
the sun to govern the day,
His love endures forever.
the moon and stars to govern the night;
His love endures forever.
10 to him who struck down the firstborn of Egypt
His love endures forever.
11 and brought Israel out from among them
His love endures forever.
12 with a mighty hand and outstretched arm;
His love endures forever.
13 to him who divided the Red Sea[a] asunder
His love endures forever.
14 and brought Israel through the midst of it,
His love endures forever.
15 but swept Pharaoh and his army into the Red Sea;
His love endures forever.
16 to him who led his people through the wilderness;
His love endures forever.
17 to him who struck down great kings,
His love endures forever.
18 and killed mighty kings
His love endures forever.
19 Sihon king of the Amorites
His love endures forever.
20 and Og king of Bashan
His love endures forever.
21 and gave their land as an inheritance,
His love endures forever.
22 an inheritance to his servant Israel.
His love endures forever.
23 He remembered us in our low estate
His love endures forever.
24 and freed us from our enemies.
His love endures forever.
25 He gives food to every creature.
His love endures forever.
26 Give thanks to the God of heaven.
His love endures forever.

God has a relentless love for me (and you too!)  Read the definition and realize how awesome that is!


 adjective \-ləs\
: continuing without becoming weaker, less severe, etc.

Monday, August 4, 2014

surgery recommendation & I Will Trust in the Lord my GOD!

On Thursday, we made the trip to Green Bay to see the breast specialist and she said that the tumor has definitely gotten smaller, however, it is not small enough to do just a lumpectomy so she would recommend a mastectomy as well as taking out the axillary lymph-nodes that are involved.  Since I was the third person in her office to need a referral to the plastic surgeon, I didn't make it over there on Wednesday. Instead I have to wait to see him on August 13th to find out his recommendations.  Then we regroup with the breast specialist and make a plan for the surgery, probably early September is when both surgeons will be available to tag team so that it can all be done at once.  That may change depending on what the plastic surgeon recommends though.

With that being said, I had a little bit of a hard time with hearing that a mastectomy is recommended.  The hysterectomy recommendation didn't bother me like this one has but I am standing on God's word and his promises that he's shared with  me and I just keep reminding myself of them.

Today as I was reading this jumped out at me from Psalm 119:49 Remember your word to your servant, for you have given me hope. 50 My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life.

Psalm 119:38  Fulfill your promise to your servant, so that you may be feared.

Like I've said before, I know that God can remove all cancer cells from my entire body and do it supernaturally. I'm not sure when he showed me that I would be cleansed whiter than snow whether it would be before or after surgery. But I do know this, that is a promise I feel he has given to me and I plan on keeping that close to my heart.  God has never lied and he is faithful!  So I am holding onto my HOPE in Christ Jesus!  And I repeatedly say, "I TRUST you Lord!" especially when I don't understand and I don't know his timing. I still trust in him!  Without Him, I'm sure I'd be a basketcase through all of this and I that won't help me so I'm glad to have Him to lean on & trust.

Proverbs 18:14 A man's spirit sustains him in sickness but a crushed spirit who can bear?

So as I keep giving this all to God & trusting him & keeping my spirit up, that will help me. If I am in despair and have a crushed spirit, it will not help me heal.  I trust the one who made me, who saved me, who loves me, & knows what is best for me!  Do you trust him for the situation you are going through?  You can....