October 20, 2015
It's only 10 days until my birthday of 39 and I am happy to celebrate that age. In a few days it will be 2 years since I was given a diagnosis of stage 4, metastatic breast cancer by the doctors. And today I had Chemo treatment #6. I had 4 chemo treatments before surgery, then I had 2 months off of it while waiting to heal from surgery and then I had 2 more treatments of it. I still haven't decided whether I will continue with the chemo treatments up to 12 total or whether I will say let's take a break. I have been praying about it and don't feel that I have a definitive answer on it just yet so I will continue seeking God's plan for me until I feel at peace with the decision. Right now I am planning to see how today's treatment affects me to help with my decision but ultimately I am looking to God for direction. I know that God's best for me would be for me to receive complete healing from him right now but since I am having trouble with moving myself towards receiving or something is in the way, I know that God can use other methods to bring about the healing that he wants for me and that he has told me I'd have. His word does not change, we do, but he doesn't and I know I've said this before because it's my favorite verse. In fact, I gave Sadie my bible from when I was 4 or 5 and she carries it around with her and even sleeps with it on her pillow next to her. Yes, I know, very CUTE!
I opened it up to Hebrews 13:8 and I'm not sure when I did it, but I underlined it even in my very old, small, new testament bible that my 3 year old now has. It says, "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever!" That means that when he gives a person a word, he means for it to happen. And through the Holy Spirit I have heard him tell me that He has tore out the root and will take care of the rest. A person praying over me shared with me that I would be completely healed and I believe these words of truth. There are different things that can hold it back from happening right away but God's best is for it to happen immediately and so I am working on getting my mind and heart to line up with what God's word says and what the holy spirit has told me.
Remember that awesome gift certificate that Gabby received to have a 1 night hotel stay...we were planning to use it this Friday but the hotel called and they are closing for the season earlier than anticipated and had to cancel our reservation. They did apologize and state that they will most certainly honor our certificate when they reopen in the spring. So even though we are bummed, we are thankful that we have something fun to look forward to after the winter months and we are planning to have a fun family night in our home this Friday instead. I have to plan ahead since I may not have a whole lot of energy but it will all work out. I would likely have had to miss out on swimming in the pool with my family since starting Thursday evening I may be more tired from the chemo treatment and in the past it has lasted about 48 hours total so perhaps it is better that we have to wait until spring so I can join my family in the fun! Yes, this is how I look at things as often as I can...in a positive light. It sure does make life a lot better. And I tried to soften the blow for the kids by telling them that they can each take turns using our whirlpool tub over the weekend. That's a lot of water to put in the tub but it can be very relaxing and fun for them.