I have been struggling for the last several weeks with 'what if' kind of thoughts. Plain and simple, it sucks! The last post I made on here was great news that the tumor marker numbers were normal which was a great report. They have since risen a bit. The doctor said that it's hard to say what is happening because it's just a number and it can take time to level out. He asked me if I had any back pain. I said no. (He likes to use more than just a number to figure out what is going on and with insurance the way it is and not wanting to expose me to even more radiation stuff, he doesn't just order a scan unless he's got some things to back it up.) But wouldn't you know that the devil used that line of questions to make me think that I've had twinges of pain or for me to be "looking" for signs of pain. I know I need to be paying attention to my body and all but the mind games have become such a battle. I am reminded that we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, powers, and rulers of darkness. And I am reminded that Jesus already won the war when he died and rose again but I must continue fighting the battles. I must put on my armor of God and stand against the wiles of the devil. And I WILL STAND!
After eating dinner tonight, even after avoiding most gluten for the day, I was starting to get heartburn. I drank some Apple Cider Vinegar which burns worse than any cough medicine I've ever had to take but it helped. After putting the kids to bed, I came back downstairs because it still felt better to be sitting up rather than laying down to go to sleep. I decided to watch a little tv but the show I wanted to watch was messed up from the storm last night. So I put on a movie I had recorded. Sometimes movies make me think too much. This movie, while it was good, it was also sad and it got me thinking about the future of my family. I don't try to wonder what will happen and I fully trust God to take care of me and take care of my family so I just told the thoughts to shut up and go away and that my thoughts and imagination are captive to God. The movie was over and I collected the rest of the dishes that were out so I could start the dishwasher. For a split second, I thought of just going up to bed but I absolutely knew that I needed to read the next devotion in the book I've been reading because I needed the arsenal in my mind against the father of lies as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep. I don't know about you but when the rest of my family is sleeping, it's when the devil tries to get to me the most so I have learned to arm myself with God's word of truth before I go to bed. It's like I jump into my armor and grab my sword and shield 'just in case' and then I'm able to pray and keep focused on Christ before I fall asleep. Some nights I pray for a TON of people and other nights it is much shorter.
So why am I still up typing this when it is so late and I have to get my kids ready for school in the morning? I'm typing this because I knew I needed to share it. This was way too perfect. It was definitely a God thing to put it all together the way it was in my devotion tonight.
You may already know, if you've read my blog before or talked to me in person, that I have several scripture verses that I say and pray about just about every day. One of them is "I will NOT die, I WILL LIVE, and declare the works of the Lord. Psalm 118:17 I say this verse because I believe that it is my choice to live and I'm not about to allow the devil to steal it from me. And I pray that I will live an abundant life because that is a blessing that God has given to his children. I also pray that I will walk by faith and not by sight, nor by feelings. I often say that it doesn't matter to me what the doctors have said, they can only do so much and they are not in control because if they were, I would think that they would heal people so they had a better track record. I say that I choose to live because I have a calling on my life, to be a wife, a mother, and to minister to kids and their families. Do you get where I am going with all of this? It was all wrapped up with a beautiful bow in my devotion from 90 Days to Possessing Your Healing by Kynan Bridges. Here's what my devotion was tonight. I share this with you because I know someone else needs to hear this too.
Day 52: You shall live
I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord. -Psalm 118:17
I cannot speak for anyone else, but I can remember times where I honestly thought I was not going to make it. I had accepted a lie from the enemy. Does this sound familiar? It may come in the form of a doctor's report, a symptom of illness, or a spiritual attack from the forces of darkness. No matter what it is or how it looks, you must make a conscious decision to declare the Word of God over your situation. David, the psalmist and king of Israel, understood this truth. he declared in Psalm 118:12, "they compassed me about like bees; they are quenched as the fire of thorns: for in the name of the Lord I will destroy them." The enemy was afflicting him; he was surrounded on every side. Like bees swarm around a person when they come near their honeycomb, so the enemy surrounded David. This is a tactic of intimidation and control. Why? It's because the enemy does not want you to obtain the blessing God has prepared for you. He does not want you to experience healing and breakthrough. Life David, you are going to have to open your mouth and declare, "I will live and not die!" It doesn't matter what the doctors say, you have a job to do and a purpose to fulfill. Don't give up now! You are too close to the "honeycomb." The devil may "sting" you, but he can't kill you because you have a covenant with Almighty God. Jesus came that you might have life and have it more abundantly. We recently received a testimony of a young lady who was diagnosed with stage three cancer. She got a hold of our teachings and began to declare that she was not going to die. She determined that cancer was not going to have the last word. Every day she spoke the promises of God over her life. After a very intense spiritual and physical battle, her physician declared that there was no cancer in her body. You shall live and not die!
Healing prayer: Father, in the name of Jesus, I declare that I shall live and not die, I will declare the works of the Lord all the days of my life. Your Word says that with long life You will satisfy me. Thank You, Lord, for health and wholeness all the days of my life. From this day forward I refuse to be intimidated by the enemy. I refuse to accept any of his lies any longer. Lord Jesus, I come to You as my Deliverer, for You know everything that concerns me. You are aware of every frailty in my life, yet You choose to love me unconditionally. right now, I receive Your zoe life in my mortal flesh. Never again will I yield to the evil report of the enemy, but I will set my eyes and hope on You. In Your name I will overcome every sickness, disease, infirmity, or hindrance. Amen!
You see that? It was all there in tonight's reading. Everything that I have been believing and speaking. All together to remind me that God is NOT done with me yet. He has a plan for my life, dying of cancer is NOT it and I do NOT quit this battle. I am praying for you tonight. Do NOT give up! Do NOT listen to the lies that you hear. Remind yourself of God's promises. His word is TRUTH! Speak it and believe it and receive it! It is sooooo worth it!
I had the guts to write this post tonight because of a message I listened to from my pastor and from other pastors that I listen to teachings from. It was confirmed to me in more than 1 teaching, which to me means that God is trying to tell me something and I should listen. This is a message of Hope from the book of Romans. This is a message that despite what you have going on in your life, no matter how hard it may seem to be, know that Praising God through the storm will get you through the storm. That's why I'm sharing...I am giving GOD the glory and removing any power that the devil had on me, any fear of what people would think that the numbers have gone up after they were down in the normal range for a few weeks and I am taking that power back. It is not going to be stolen from me because God is greater. I will continue to stand on God's word because I believe it is TRUTH! I hope you will stand against your battle too.